if you're not getting answers, ask better questions

sometimes my life isn't about what i am really asking...

and sometimes it is

it was between two apartments to move to.  i wasn't really familiar with the d.c. area and wasn't excited about either options.  finally i went with the first one.  i still am not sure why, i much preferred everything about my second option. location (virginia), price ($100 cheaper), and pics (the house and room were charming).  i guess the deciding factor could have been that i had my own bathroom in option one?  anyway, i choose option one.  

the day i moved in, it turned out to not be what i had hoped for or expected and i was really second guessing my decision.  

i bought my contract from a girl named julie.  i saw her about a month after i had moved in and she didn't even remember me .  we had a quick conversation and learned that our career background was similar.  i told her i was job searching and she offered to send out my resume to a few companies that she knew in the area.  i emailed her my cover letter and resume.  

meanwhile, life goes on.  i make other contacts and job search in a different direction.  i was still trying to adjust to life in maryland and was not terribly successful.  driving (worst ever drivers here, especially in parking lots), shopping (you have to pay five cents for every bag you use at every store and i could go on about this), social life (or lack thereof), sharing an apartment (i have never been good at sharing and i tend to be a little (by which i mean a lot) ocd), weather (hot and humid or pouring rain), and ugghhh.

by july i had to get away.  i bought a ticket (one-way) on a friday and flew home to utah on a saturday.  i needed some answers and perspective.

before i left, a friend suggested that maybe this current trial wasn't about finding a job.  maybe.  

last summer, i specifically prayed to know and learn something.  i still hadn't learned it by this summer.  my prayers began to change and although i was still looking for a job, i was pursuing this other something.

eventually i found it.  

also a job found me.  apparently option one was the right one.   the resume i had sent julie in march finally came into play in july.  they recruited me and i started my job in september.   it is even better than anything i asked for.

if you've got my back i'll go on

loving this song...

if ever i stray,  frank turner

have truly learned over the past three months that "as long as i've got me a place to sleep, clothes on my back and some food to eat, i can't ask for anything more"

a special thanks to all of my friends and family who have let me crash on their air mattress, couch, or bed.

on the 15th i am moving again to a new place.  i get to pack up my car once again (i have moved 7 times in the last 18 months).  

i am heading down to washington d.c. interestingly enough.    i visited there a few years ago when  i was checking out grad schools.  i thought for sure that was where i was going to be.  i hated it.  i decided that i would never live there.  exactly 7 years later (i had visited on president's day weekend)  i am moving there.  

pros
place has central heat and central air
parking and utilities are included
cafe rio is only 30 minutes away
get a fresh start

cons
traffic
expensive
starting over again

i am excited and terrified all at the same time.   wish me luck!!!

only happy when it rains

maybe not even the least bit true,

but rain + blanket + m&m's + bbq potato chips + harlen coben mystery + tv  (new girl, raising hope, suburgatory, and hart of dixie) = happiness

sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

today has been, most simply put, weird.

i was not really sad, certainly not happy, kind of cranky and impatient, dirty, tired, and sore.  i moved out of my first apartment that was totally and only mine.  i had grand designs and visions for the place.  i had a super cute couch and pillow.  it was warm, bright, and sunny.  i lived on a busy street and although loud, i loved hearing the rush of cars, fire trucks, and even buses.  it was a perfect place for me. 

i am okay with moving out and moving on, but it was still a little bit hard.  maybe because i still haven't completely moved.  i am still hanging out here and now just staying with a friend, sleeping on an air mattress on the floor.  all my belongings are either in storage or in my friends basement.  my suitcase is packed full of clothes to last me through life until i can unpack again.  but i am not sure when that is...  2 weeks, 6 weeks, maybe even longer. 

i am grateful for this friend, but still it feels like i am moving backwards and not progressing the way i had planned.  i had so much (okay not really, i knew for several months that i probably wouldn't stay so i put a .hold on buying anything to really make the place mine), but now i have a lot less.

but i still have hope that i will again have a place that is totally and completely mine.  i get excited that there might be something better out there for me.  and although i was sad to leave my things, i don't dwell on it too much.  i am not very sentimental over possesions and although i love nice and beautiful things, i don't feel as if i have my heart set upon the things i own.  instead, i have already started planning on how i might decorate my future setting. 

maybe it is more of a win than i thought...
i'm okay, it will be alright again.

beauty in the breakdown

for the past year or so i have been stuck in a rut (and didn't really know it)
this rut wasn't too rocky or rough, but i was in deep
it might have been easier to stay in it, but i decided i didn't like the view
getting out isn't easy, this is going to take some time

i question constantly that i made the right decision
that i am strong and brave enough
it requires a lot of dirty, hard work

the rut is slowly crumbling
my tears have helped to soften the hardened wall
and each day as i change a small part of me
i am able to overcome all that is holding me in

despite it all, i am exited to get back on my own path
change, though difficult is something i enjoy
i  do wish i had more of a plan in place
but i will say that i am learning to enjoy the journey
as i have no destination in mind

and i know there is beauty in the breakdown

it happened again

had been sick all day,
still in my pajamas, sweats and a white tee (no bra)
hair messy, skin smelling of vapor rub
neighbor and friend dropped by to visit
not wanting them to see my luggage (or its contents)
which are strewn over the entirety of my apartment
(had not yet fully unpacked from a trip to texas)
or smell the scent of "sick" in my apartment  (you know what i mean)
slowly started to shut the door
when a breeze blew through my opened window
and shut the door for good
yes, i was locked out
barefoot and sight to behold
traipsed to the superintendent's to get a spare key
not at home, didn't pick up the phone
what is a girl to do
this girl meets another new neighbor emily
(she happens to be in one of the single wards)
emily, super nice, has happened to lock herself out of her apartment twice
had to call the fire department twice to break into her place
i call the fire department (they actually thought i was emily)
they break in
all is well again

neighbors brian and emily have copies of my spare keys
please say i can keep it together and not do this again

also what do you think
brownies or cookies for the fire department

my so called work life

my work life really is a cross between 

the office and the big bang theory 

no it isn't really funny in real life

conversation one

me:  "what does the bound mean?"

him: "it sets the upper or lower bound of the alarm for the specific parameters that the user has determined that will appropriately reflect the then current conditions that will need to be measured showing the status of the perfusion of the patient" (and correct grammer is the then, not a typo)

me: "so what you are trying to tell me is that the bound means the limit of the alarm"

him: "well it isn't a limit, its a bound"

me: "that means the same thing as a limit" 

conversation two

me: "so if i download the trial product on april 29, 2011  it will expire on april 30, 2011?"

him: "yes, we decided on a 30 day fixed date"

me: "no, we decided on they could have the trail for 30 days before needing to get a upgraded version"  (which don't even get me started on the process of the downloading or the upgraded part)

him: "no, we decided that it was a fixed 30 days"

me: "what product have you ever downloaded that said you had 30 days and it expired the next day?"

conversation three

him: "we need to figure out how to lock a starting date on the download"

me: "what?!, and why?!"

him: "people may backdate their computer in order to prevent the trial from expiring"

(actually not a bad idea, especially if they knew what they had to do to renew or get an upgraded version)

lessons learned so far:

business and research don't mix

old business and new business don't mix

wear ponytails to prevent me from pulling out all my hair