Is it just the BLUES?

i now know what my problem is...
maybe you have felt it too
i hope i am not the only one

"The Germans have a term for what you're feeling, 

"weltschmerz." 

It means the depression that arises from comparing 

the world as it is to a hypothetical idealized world."  

Sheldon Cooper 

The Big Bang Theory


(or in case you don't believe this is a real word)

The modern meaning of Weltschmerz in the German language is the psychological pain caused by sadness that can occur when realizing that someone's own weaknesses are caused by the inappropriateness and cruelty of the world and (physical and social) circumstances.  Weltschmerz in this meaning can cause depression, resignation, and escapism, and can become a mental problem.
Wikipedia

i won't lie

the past few years have been hard

i have often wanted to give up

but i am not quite sure what that means 

or even how to do that

what is interesting to me 

is that my ideal world

really isn't that ideal 

and shouldn't be that hard to achieve

yet somehow it alludes me

despite my best efforts

so where does that leave me

right now i honestly don't know

 i have to stop myself from looking to the future

or dwelling in the past

just taking it one day at a time

trying to trust myself and the decisions i have made

and learning to find beauty in the details of my life