sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

today has been, most simply put, weird.

i was not really sad, certainly not happy, kind of cranky and impatient, dirty, tired, and sore.  i moved out of my first apartment that was totally and only mine.  i had grand designs and visions for the place.  i had a super cute couch and pillow.  it was warm, bright, and sunny.  i lived on a busy street and although loud, i loved hearing the rush of cars, fire trucks, and even buses.  it was a perfect place for me. 

i am okay with moving out and moving on, but it was still a little bit hard.  maybe because i still haven't completely moved.  i am still hanging out here and now just staying with a friend, sleeping on an air mattress on the floor.  all my belongings are either in storage or in my friends basement.  my suitcase is packed full of clothes to last me through life until i can unpack again.  but i am not sure when that is...  2 weeks, 6 weeks, maybe even longer. 

i am grateful for this friend, but still it feels like i am moving backwards and not progressing the way i had planned.  i had so much (okay not really, i knew for several months that i probably wouldn't stay so i put a .hold on buying anything to really make the place mine), but now i have a lot less.

but i still have hope that i will again have a place that is totally and completely mine.  i get excited that there might be something better out there for me.  and although i was sad to leave my things, i don't dwell on it too much.  i am not very sentimental over possesions and although i love nice and beautiful things, i don't feel as if i have my heart set upon the things i own.  instead, i have already started planning on how i might decorate my future setting. 

maybe it is more of a win than i thought...
i'm okay, it will be alright again.